For many of us, baseball is considered to be a boring sport, period. I played until I was 19 and I too could never watch it on television. I absolutely love watching games live with a hot dog and beer in hand, but count me out if you ask me to watch baseball on the tube. However, make a movie about baseball and I am there every time.
Growing up, sports movies were a staple of my childhood, especially baseball. I remember watching The Sandlot, Angels in the Outfield and Rookie of the Year on VHS nearly every week. I could spew a list of baseball movies I absolutely love and maybe I will rank them sometime soon, but I am here to talk about my favorite players from those movies. I will compile a list of my ultimate fantasy team.
The guidelines are simple, the object is to win NOW. I am not talking about longevity for a career, just one year to win a title.
You get three starting pitchers, one reliever, one closer. As far as the fielders are concerned, you get the starting nine with a designated hitter and three bench players. Of course no team is complete without a coaching staff so you get three.
Keep in mind, this is going off of movies that I have seen. There are several movies that I will be stoned to death for admitting that I have not seen so let’s get that out of the way…The Natural, Bull Durham, The Scout, For Love of the Game and you will probably hate me for this last one and I can’t say I blame you, Field of Dreams (I cringe when I say it out loud and I am sorry).
Let’s begin with our pitching staff…
Starting Pitcher- Amanda Whurlitzer – Bad News Bears
My ace is a girl, deal with it. She has a mean streak and can hold her own in any given situation. She was handed a plate full of crap the second she joined the Bears, but it didn’t take much convincing to let the boys know she was the real deal. She has a nasty arsenal of pitches including her high velocity fastball, a mean curve and she bends the rules. Whurlitzer kept vaseline under her cap and would use that to execute the most illegal pitch known to man, the spitter. If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying. #TeamAmanda
Starting Pitcher- Kenny DeNunez – The Sandlot
Who doesn’t love good old DeNunez? The kid has a swagger about him that I love. On top of that, no one could touch him, except for the rest of the guys on his team. He no-hit those preppy turds who challenged them to a game away from the Sandlot.
Starting Pitcher- Eric Van Leemer – Summer Catch
Although he is a bit of wildcard because of off the field issues and despite being a grade-A asshole, he has talent. He was working his way through the Cape Cod Summer League cutting down hitters like trees. Unfortunately, it was halted when he accidentally set fire to the pressbox. For one season, I will take the risk.
Relief Pitcher- Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn – Major League I & II
Naturally, no bullpen is complete without Wild Thing. All it took was some new specs to get him throwing strikes and burning people with the heat. The only reason I don’t have him as my closer is because you know damn good and well he will have an identity crisis.
Closer- Henry Rowengartner – Rookie of the Year
A simple arm injury turned this kid into a phenom beloved by the Chicago Cubs fans and one of the most dominant closers in Major League Baseball. When he finally lost his heat, he reinvented himself stealing a page out of his mother’s playbook, the Eephus. That’s right, the floater. The pitch that no one can hit and the pitch that no one can lay off of.
Lead Off- Willie Mays Hayes CF – Major League I & II
Is there honestly another option here? Plays like Mays, runs like Hayes. The only guy in the majors who can steal second, third and home all in one inning. You know he’s going and you still can’t stop him. He is a nightmare on the base path and a high average hitter. The perfect lead off.
2- Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez SS – The Sandlot
It was always known that The Jet would go pro in baseball. He was always head and shoulders above the rest. Throughout The Sandlot, the guy was never thrown out, even in his professional scene. He is your can’t miss prospect. On top of that, he was always a good guy. He took Smalls under his wing when no one else wanted him.
3- Dottie Hinson C – A League of Their Own
Athletic, beautiful, smart and could even manage a team. Although her heart wasn’t in baseball while her husband was overseas defending the United States in the war, she was still the best player in the girls’ league even with the distraction. If one year is all I need out of her, she is the focal point of my lineup.
4- T-Rex Pennebaker RF – Mr. 3000
Although the movie was centered around Stan Ross (they call him the boss), T-Rex was the one bright spot on the Milwaukee Brewers. He has a big frame, athletic, can hit, can field and can run. He is a do it all player and could be a league MVP.
5- Kelly Leak LF – Bad News Bears
Leak may be a child, but he is bad dude on the diamond. Pretty sure he hit a home run every time he stepped up to plate and helped elevate the Bears into a championship along with my ace pitcher. He was the kid you wanted in your corner. If this team ever has a brawl I can guarantee we won’t lose that either because of him and the next person in my lineup.
6- Jack Parkman DH – Major League II
After a short stint with the Cleveland Indians, he was traded because of his attitude and ability to give zero f****. He can hit for a ton of power and he is not someone you want as your enemy. “Don’t stand on the track when the train is coming through.”
7- Marla Hooch 2B – A League of Their Own
Marla Hooch, Hooch, Hooch. Timid and insecure about her looks because her dad raised her like a boy. That can’t all be bad because she is a hell of a ball player. Continue to gush because she is also a switch hitter. Thanks Mr. Hooch, because you made my team better.
8- Roger Dorn 3B – Major League I & II
Although we never got to see the bulk of his career, it was mentioned that he held his own both at the plate and in the field during his prime. As he got older, he cared less about winning and more about protecting his face. He will never be a stud on my team, but I don’t think he hurts us. Think of him as a glue guy.
9- Lou Collins 1B – Little Big League
Just an overall good guy who you want on your team. He always puts the team ahead of himself even when manager Billy Heywood benched him for bringing his mom home late one night. Collins sat there and took it like a champ.
1- Hamilton “Ham” Porter C – The Sandlot
Is there anyone on this Earth better at trash talking an opponent and backing it up? No, the answer is no. Although, if he tells anyone they play ball like a girl on this team, he may have an issue. No team would be complete without Ham though. Watch the classic scene below.
2- Ray Mitchell OF – Angels in the Outfield
The Angels got into the pennant race because they had God on their side. However, Ray Mitchell was the one player on the team who never received help from the higher power because he was an all-star caliber ball player.
3- Pedro Cerrano OF – Major League I, II & III
Who do you voodoo? Pedro freaking Cerrano. Guy can’t hit a curveball to save his life which is why I can’t plug him in the starting lineup just yet, but hey if I need a pinch hitter, I know who I am bringing in. Hopefully they give him the fastball.
Head Coach- Jimmy Dugan – A League of Their Own
Once he got over his drinking problem, he became one of the best managers in the league. He is a bit of a wild card, but hey Dottie Hinson can keep him in check.
Assistant Coach- Jake Taylor – Major League I & II
Coaching became his calling card after his playing days. He helped Rube Baker get over his issue throwing back to the mound. He also helped Ricky Vaughn and WIllie Mays Hayes get back to form.
He is as out there as they come. He locked himself in a cage and missed a game. He locked himself between two doors in a hotel and missed game. He never lost his cool either. On top of that, the guy invented hot ice. He heats up the ice cubes in a microwave. What an innovator! ‘
So there you go, my fantasy baseball team from the movies. Feel free to comment with yours below. I would love to hear yours!